Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
