my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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