So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
