people are starting to question the shark bite story
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
