evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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