Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
