I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
