I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she woke up with a sticky ear
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
