If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
