It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
