Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
