so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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