my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
