So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
