Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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