I accidentally had phone sex last night
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
