i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
