She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
