well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
