Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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