While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
