you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
