I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
