she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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