Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
