I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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