if you like me you must not know who I am
Non-Jews are for practice
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
