explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
