You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
