The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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