I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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