i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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