Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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