Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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