i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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