i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
