the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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