I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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