What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
