somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
