i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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