I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my phone needs a breathalizer
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
