Just cropdusted the office
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
