took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
