Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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