And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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