i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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