nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
