i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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