i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
