Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
